When Bad Fashion Happens to Good People

Yesterday, I was walking into one of my favorite stores, Nordstrom Rack. (God bless Nordstrom Rack) In front of me, there was a very lovely young woman who I am guessing has an equal obsession with the somewhat-discounted department store, though from her outfit, it's hard to tell. As lovely as she was, I couldn't help but wonder if she got dressed in the dark.

So, I did what any rookie fashion blogger would do. I pretended to read a text message and took a picture with my camera phone.

Now, because I was trying to be discrete, you must forgive my poor photography skills, but let me describe the disaster I have laid before you.

My fellow shopper is wearing denim shorts, with black leggings, brown boots, and a maroon sweater with a large white belt over it.

I will give her credit on two things... I DIG the boots and the over-sized purse. Had she worn skinny jeans, instead of shorts with leggings, this outfit would have worked.

Part of me wanted to run up to her and tell her about outfitopinion.com, but the other part of me didn't want to get punched in the face, so I opted for taking a picture and blogging instead.

Seduced by the Shoes

A shocking revelation came over me yesterday, after returning from a shopping trip; I've become a shoe snob. A simple BOGO sale, where I can take home five pairs of shoes for under $100, just doesn't do it for me anymore. Maybe it has something to do with maturing into my 30's, or maybe I've become more spoiled to quality over quantity, or perhaps Payless should consider designing a shoe that is higher than a half-inch. (The higher the heel, the easier to disguise excess poundage, it's not rocket science people.) Whatever the reason, my credit card company is loving my new found snobbery. However, my husband...not so much.

I realize my obsession for the finer footwear in life, wouldn't be so noticeable, if it wasn't for the frequency in which I feel I must indulge. But shoe shopping is like a drug to me; the smell of the leather that stirs in the air when the salesman pulls the tissue back away from the shoes, or the way the little foot mirrors stop at the calf, leaving you to imagine you have a butt like Fergie's. The entire experience is exhilarating! Although, I do think the experience could be damn near perfect, if Macy's would read my comment cards on employing hot Abercrombie looking models as salesmen, instead of the husky old lady with a stache. (Just makes good business sense if you ask me.)

Although my dilemma has no real resolve, I like to look at it this way...Macy's may be more pricey than Payless, but it could be alot worse...it could be Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahnik! Thank your lucky stars, oh husband of mine, that my inner Carrie Bradshaw doesn't come out while in possession of our Visa!!!!

An Affair to Remember

Today is a fat day and my closet is far from every girls dream; it's more like every girls reality check.

I'm sure most of you can relate to my constant losing battle with my weight and just like my hips, another place that the evidence cannot hide, is in my closet. I have enough "skinny clothes" to clothe a third world country. Unfortunately, they are all currently collecting dust, yet I've somehow convinced myself to save them until they fit me again.

As if that weren't bad enough, I have a huge empty place in my closet where my "fat clothes" used to be. (God is going to strike me down for using the word empty and closet in the same sentence) But as soon as my "fat clothes" were too big for me, I donated them so fast, you'd think they had a contagious disease.

Which brings me to the question of the day; Where is it acceptable to go out into public naked? I have nothing to wear!!!!! I tried to squeeze into some of my "skinny clothes," but I passed out when the blood stopped circulating to my brain and I'm much too stubborn to go out and buy more "fat clothes" so the struggle ensues. Just as fashion can be your greatest alli, it can also be your greatest enemy. So after over an hour of taking on and off, I was left with one shattered mirror, a tear stained face and and a king size bed that was now covered with the remnants of my closet. So, I walked around my room naked in the midst of a steamy affair with my jewelry and my shoes.

Yes, I was crazy late for work today, but more importantly I remembered something tried and true. Always invest in the parts of your wardrobe that will always fit.

The wardrobe pieces you never out grow

"I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight." -- Emily, 'The Devil Wears Prada'
photo courtesy: Fox 2000 Pictures

Ever weigh yourself after having the stomach flu? A week of worshiping the porcelain god, can do wonders for the waistline, albeit an unpleasant experience overall.

I am a petite little thing, so I have to have all of my clothes specifically tailored to fit my body. (Which I recommend for anyone, no matter what your size) As you can imagine, it gets expensive. Not only do you accrue the cost of the outfit, but also the cost of tailoring said outfit.
I try to stick to 'staple' pieces that I know will stay in style for a couple of years (more if I'm lucky). But we've all fallen victim to that current trend that only lasts one season.

I couldn't begin to tell you how much money I have spent on clothes that end up in my annual Goodwill donation pile. But I've learned an invaluable lesson from my wasted wardrobe.

Accessories!
Earrings, necklaces, scarves, rings, bracelets, handbags...You don't have to have them tailored, and you never grow out of them! It's a relatively inexpensive way to change an entire outfit. You can borrow them from friends even if your body types are completely different. And if a certain accessory does go out of style, chances are you didn't break the bank to buy it.
photo courtesy: www.stylefrizz.com

Fashion I just can't figure out...

Even the trendiest of girls risk looking like Big Bird when sporting this feathery fashion.

Wearing a shirt, a skirt, or in the case of this picture, an entire dress strewn with feathers, makes a bold statement... a statement I won't recommend making.

Borrowing your style from a winged creature does not make you 'fly' (if people still use that word). It makes you look ridiculous.

First of all, it really isn't economical. Even birds shed their feathers, so you can imagine, they won't stay sewn to your dress very long. By the end of a long night at the club, half of you're fashion-forward outfit will be left on the dance floor.

You'll also never be able to wash this outfit... Have you ever seen a wet feather? Sure you can dry clean, but really, if you ask my opinion, the feather is a trend you should flutter away from.

photo courtesy: www.marieclaire.com

Fattie Fashion Faux Pas

WHAT WE LOOK LIKE...........
Photo courtesy of bigpicturephoto.com

WHAT WE WERE GOING FOR....
Photo courtesy of uggsale.co.uk

Having an average size body can be quite the kryptonite in the fashion world. What's even more devastating? Realizing it. :( There are countless trends out there that are crazy cute...just, not on the other 99% of the world's population. I won't subject you to all my rants on all the trends that aren't sizeably diverse, (skinny jeans, leggings, skinny belts, low rise jeans and ankle boots to name a few) but I will embark on one fattie fashion faux pas: The Uggs. I think these boots are ultra trendy and can fake any girl, (who would much rather be shopping) appear like she's an outdoorsy adventurer, capable of attracting any hot bodied Matthew McConaughey look alike. However, faking it past the boots into fly fishing gear is an art all in itself and uncompromisingly more difficult than faking an orgasm. These criminal offenders will make any girl who has a little curve, look like she's got massive cankles! In order to pull this look off, your legs need to resemble toothpicks and being about a mile in length, which is perhaps a much more important criteria. So, the next time you step out in your Uggs, when you return, ask yourself this....did you rope your Mr. McConaughey, while you were out? Enough said.