Bedazzle your Butt

Have you ever found yourself changing your stance on a fashion or a style that you once thought was heinous?

I guess you could consider this blog entry as my confession: I have officially jumped on a band wagon that I once despised.

You see, about a year or so ago I was standing in line at a department store behind a young woman with a bedazzled butt. The back pockets of her jeans had bold and busy patterns and sparkly jewels. The stitching was thick and bright white all the way down the legs. I immediately hated it! I told myself then, I would never be caught dead in jeans like that.
As the weeks and months passed by, it seemed everyone was wearing them. Did I miss some free giveaway of flawed denim somewhere?

I can't tell you exactly what happened or why I recently had a change of heart, but I am now one of the brave women sporting an eye-catching design on a part of my body I have spent years trying to cover up and minimize.

Yes, readers, this is my butt... and it's decorated.

Hair today....Gone Tomorrow!

Before/ After-Love it BTW!!!!

Today is judgment day. I’m merely hours away from either completely freeing myself of unrelenting worry or completely demolishing my self-esteem for the next oh…decade.
Back in February, my wonderful hairdresser (and best advisor ever!) decided she was going to try a new direction in her life and retire. A decision I both envied and loathed at the very same time. I’ve been in mourning for the last 7 months, completely cowering in fear of change, but my hair has now decided to revolt against me. It is literally taking flight by the handfuls off my scalp, rather than sticking around and tolerating my neglect any longer. So, out of unprecedented panic of becoming the next G.I. Jane, I made an appointment with a stranger.
To make my matters of stranger danger anxiety even worse, my inner style consultant is nagging at me that its time for a drastic change.
“Why don’t we just kill two birds with one stone?” she says.
“Why don’t you just push me into a grave of seclusion from society?!” I reply.
To improve my chances of this experience amounting to no more than unnecessary agony, I will struggle to conceal the insurmountable amount of pressure I have placed on this newbie’s shoulders. If revealed, it could prove to be a devastating blow in this battle for trust.
So as the scrapping will soon begin, I will paint half my face blue, mount my arse in the black adjustable chair, wrap my body with the armor of the plastic cloak and as I journey off into the sheers of fire, I will encourage all who follow in my footsteps…
”She may ruin your hair, but…..it will grow back?!”

Boyfriend Blazer or your boyfriend's blazer?

It's the fashion craze taking Hollywood, and just about every other city in the nation by storm.

For a few months now, I have been on a quest for the perfect boyfriend blazer...
This longer version of your traditional suit blazer usually has sleeves that fold or scrunch and is typically worn open, rather than buttoned.

My favorite way to wear this trend? With dark skinny jeans, high heels, a t-shirt, and several long necklaces.

But don't be fooled by the popularity of this latest wardrobe must-have.

Worn wrong, the boyfriend blazer makes a girl look like she's been shopping for her ill-fitting fashion in her man's closet. While that is somewhat the point, hence the looks' name, you can still pull off the look with poise and effortless femininity.

So how do you wear a boyfriend blazer without, well, looking like your boyfriend? In my opinion it's all in the fit.

As with any blazer or jacket, if it isn't tailored in the shoulders, you will look slouchy and similar in shape and stature to a linebacker.

This particular blazer is supposed to hang open and appear a bit 'boxy' but the slightest tuck in the waist gives the look a more feminine appeal.

The blazer can be worn out to dinner over a dress, to work over a camisole, or on a Saturday afternoon paired with a graphic tee. My rule of thumb: whatever shirt you wear underneath, keep it around your natural waist line. The jacket is long, your shirt should not be.

Finally, keep everything else fitted. Since the jacket hangs loose, if your pants are wide-legged or your skirt is A-lined, you will not look polished and fashion-forward, you will just look fat... just sayin'.
Even 90-pound supermodels appear sloppy and begin looking like they have hips comparable to the rest of the female species when paired to baggy bottoms. (see right)

The offender: The dreadful yet somehow popular bootie shoe.
The crime: Tricking women into thinking they look good while wearing them
The punishment: Unrelenting mockery and criticism

They are everywhere I look, swarming the runways, molded onto every celebrity, bombarding the pages of every major fashion magazine. It’s perhaps the biggest trend of the year and yet the furthest from my favorite.

I have honestly put effort into trying to like it. I’ve even gone as far as to trying them on, all the while attempting to convince myself that they look better on my foot, than on the shelf, but to no avail, I’m still repulsed.

Am I the only one who pays attention to the rules on “What Not to Wear?” This shoe is everything wrong with what a shoe should be. Is it a loafer, is it a boot, is it a high heel or is it a gladiator sandal? Who knows anymore?! They’ve combined all these styles (although independent of each other, quite acceptable) to make some hideous creation that is supposed to increase our individual hotness quotient, only to do the complete opposite and make us the center of a fashion debacle.

This shoe is especially heinous when worn with a dress or skirt or any leg revealing attire for that matter. A shoe should compliment the leg, making them appear longer and more slender; not weigh it down cutting our frame off at the ankle, in turn making us look like my childhood Barbie dolls, after our dog chewed their feet off.

The only tolerable way I have seen these hideous shoes is when worn with skinny jeans. And we all know the only people who can pull those off, are 6 foot tall, 100lb models with toothpicks for legs, but that is a whole other can of worms I will not get into.

So, I will continue to pray that this trend pulverizes into the dark corners of the fashion world, never to see the light again, therefore sparing me of what’s left of my corneas.

When Bad Fashion Happens to Good People

Yesterday, I was walking into one of my favorite stores, Nordstrom Rack. (God bless Nordstrom Rack) In front of me, there was a very lovely young woman who I am guessing has an equal obsession with the somewhat-discounted department store, though from her outfit, it's hard to tell. As lovely as she was, I couldn't help but wonder if she got dressed in the dark.

So, I did what any rookie fashion blogger would do. I pretended to read a text message and took a picture with my camera phone.

Now, because I was trying to be discrete, you must forgive my poor photography skills, but let me describe the disaster I have laid before you.

My fellow shopper is wearing denim shorts, with black leggings, brown boots, and a maroon sweater with a large white belt over it.

I will give her credit on two things... I DIG the boots and the over-sized purse. Had she worn skinny jeans, instead of shorts with leggings, this outfit would have worked.

Part of me wanted to run up to her and tell her about outfitopinion.com, but the other part of me didn't want to get punched in the face, so I opted for taking a picture and blogging instead.

Seduced by the Shoes

A shocking revelation came over me yesterday, after returning from a shopping trip; I've become a shoe snob. A simple BOGO sale, where I can take home five pairs of shoes for under $100, just doesn't do it for me anymore. Maybe it has something to do with maturing into my 30's, or maybe I've become more spoiled to quality over quantity, or perhaps Payless should consider designing a shoe that is higher than a half-inch. (The higher the heel, the easier to disguise excess poundage, it's not rocket science people.) Whatever the reason, my credit card company is loving my new found snobbery. However, my husband...not so much.

I realize my obsession for the finer footwear in life, wouldn't be so noticeable, if it wasn't for the frequency in which I feel I must indulge. But shoe shopping is like a drug to me; the smell of the leather that stirs in the air when the salesman pulls the tissue back away from the shoes, or the way the little foot mirrors stop at the calf, leaving you to imagine you have a butt like Fergie's. The entire experience is exhilarating! Although, I do think the experience could be damn near perfect, if Macy's would read my comment cards on employing hot Abercrombie looking models as salesmen, instead of the husky old lady with a stache. (Just makes good business sense if you ask me.)

Although my dilemma has no real resolve, I like to look at it this way...Macy's may be more pricey than Payless, but it could be alot worse...it could be Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahnik! Thank your lucky stars, oh husband of mine, that my inner Carrie Bradshaw doesn't come out while in possession of our Visa!!!!

An Affair to Remember

Today is a fat day and my closet is far from every girls dream; it's more like every girls reality check.

I'm sure most of you can relate to my constant losing battle with my weight and just like my hips, another place that the evidence cannot hide, is in my closet. I have enough "skinny clothes" to clothe a third world country. Unfortunately, they are all currently collecting dust, yet I've somehow convinced myself to save them until they fit me again.

As if that weren't bad enough, I have a huge empty place in my closet where my "fat clothes" used to be. (God is going to strike me down for using the word empty and closet in the same sentence) But as soon as my "fat clothes" were too big for me, I donated them so fast, you'd think they had a contagious disease.

Which brings me to the question of the day; Where is it acceptable to go out into public naked? I have nothing to wear!!!!! I tried to squeeze into some of my "skinny clothes," but I passed out when the blood stopped circulating to my brain and I'm much too stubborn to go out and buy more "fat clothes" so the struggle ensues. Just as fashion can be your greatest alli, it can also be your greatest enemy. So after over an hour of taking on and off, I was left with one shattered mirror, a tear stained face and and a king size bed that was now covered with the remnants of my closet. So, I walked around my room naked in the midst of a steamy affair with my jewelry and my shoes.

Yes, I was crazy late for work today, but more importantly I remembered something tried and true. Always invest in the parts of your wardrobe that will always fit.